Today I found a bag full of Willy hair in your car.
And a mango pit wrapped in a black t-shirt.
It was the first time you had worn the pink shirt she gave you for your birthday.
Today I stared into the eyes of your child, almost a year from the time we first met.
He smiled and reached out his hand as if he remembered.
I imagined he will laugh like his father.
Today I witnessed our friends gather around your widow and promise
that the work will get done,
that the work will get done,
that your dreams will live on.
Today we drove to the mountains
to hug all the people
who love you the most.
I stood in awe of their spirit
as the sky morphed
from blue to purple to gold.
as the sky morphed
from blue to purple to gold.
The first fire burned
and the didgeridoos groaned.
and the didgeridoos groaned.
A dazed group of drifters
lured to the shadows.
lured to the shadows.
Eyes closed, souls entwined.
Five instruments.
One rhythm.
One heart.
Five instruments.
One rhythm.
One heart.
Today I heard your voice,trapped in the intestines of an I-phone.
Your words so meticulous,
so far beyond what I am yet able to comprehend.
Our conversations were always like that;
so far beyond what I am yet able to comprehend.
Our conversations were always like that;
pushing just beyond the mind’s highest limits.
I thought about you for days before it happened.
Each time your face came to me I smiled, but never called.
Your energy was so clear then,
was that our goodbye?
was that our goodbye?
There’s always tomorrow to call.
Until one day there’s not.
like so many we've burned here before.
The skyline simmered
a bittersweet tune
as we listened to tales of our
adventures.
And all the many times
you narrowly escaped death.
Broken faces glow
in the firelight.
And a lingering stare assures
he still feels it too.
Today the morning came baring a harsh reality, so we tied blue stones around our necks
that vibrate truth and clarity.
Today an entire community
And a lingering stare assures
he still feels it too.
I prayed the night would never end
That we'd wake up tomorrow
and it would all be pretend.
Today the morning came baring a harsh reality, so we tied blue stones around our necks
that vibrate truth and clarity.
Today an entire community
walked together
in spiritual solidarity
through a tunnel
of sunflowers and firemen.
in spiritual solidarity
through a tunnel
of sunflowers and firemen.
Clouds full of memories
flooded the sky
and teased the mountains
with promises of snow.
Your mother's grace flew
on the tails of a flute.
Your sister released you
to the winds.
on the tails of a flute.
Your sister released you
to the winds.
Your wife sang a sound
that came from somewhere
far away,
free from our earth-tethered hearts.
It rained.
And it was perfect.
“I LOVE WATER!” you yelled,
as we tilted our tear stained faces to the sky,
that came from somewhere
far away,
free from our earth-tethered hearts.
It rained.
And it was perfect.
“I LOVE WATER!” you yelled,
as we tilted our tear stained faces to the sky,
and smiled
from a place we feared had died with you.
I dreamed there was a rainbow.
from a place we feared had died with you.
I dreamed there was a rainbow.
It was too vivid to be real.
Today we drank.
And I cried underwater
And I cried underwater
until my lungs begged for air.
But just above the surface
the world didn’t care.
But "we will not
let ourselves be sad today…
We laughed
and we danced
and we howled at the moon.
Then one day it’s all over.
the world didn’t care.
Because today it’s all over.
Everybody’s gone.
Everybody’s gone.
And I just can’t quit
singing Twila’s song.
singing Twila’s song.
We’re supposed to go back to life
as it once was.
as it once was.
They say time heals all wounds,
but nostalgia haunts my sleep.
but nostalgia haunts my sleep.
Today our best friends got married
and your ghost left a void.
and your ghost left a void.
But "we will not
let ourselves be sad today…
Today we understand that joy
is our function here."
is our function here."
A kiss
and a dip
and the toss of a hat.
A gaggle of cackles
echoing in the wind.
and a dip
and the toss of a hat.
A gaggle of cackles
echoing in the wind.
And a lone deer standing silently by.
and we danced
and we howled at the moon.
When we did need to cry
we did it alone.
We all wore your top hat,
smacked asses with your cane.
Within this group of friends
smacked asses with your cane.
Within this group of friends
there is much that can’t be explained.
Then one day it’s all over.
Everybody’s gone.
And I just can’t quit singing Twila’s song.
Now that I’m finally at your house everything but your body is here.
Now that I’m finally at your house everything but your body is here.
A life reduced down to books, tools and tears.
We dig through boxes of journals
filled with words
too wise for your years.
filled with words
too wise for your years.
Prophetic.
Did you know
your time would be so short?
your time would be so short?
It’s your snowboard that breaks me.
Makes me want to go back.
To those powdery days
when we had everything we needed
when we had everything we needed
but didn’t know it.
You would be happy to see us
here together.
here together.
But I wish I couldn’t hear
her quiet sobs in the shower.
her quiet sobs in the shower.
She is stronger than me
and for that
I am thankful.
and for that
I am thankful.
I watch these women in your life rising
to a place
where you’re radiating peace.
where you’re radiating peace.
Hold them there til morning,
because the night is the longest.
Like the sun, we will continue to rise.
Tears will fall
Years will roll by.
Years will roll by.
Our friends will get older,
but you will stay the same.
Eternal.
Every time we’re together
we’ll dance
to the beat of your heart
we’ll dance
to the beat of your heart
that lives on
in another body.
in another body.
And we will celebrate
the many people you’ve saved.
the many people you’ve saved.
You’ve changed us forever
It will never be the same.
But even through this heartbreak
we couldn’t have lived it any other way.
we couldn’t have lived it any other way.
So when Alpen wakes from his nap
and instead of crying,
he looks at me and laughs,
and instead of crying,
he looks at me and laughs,
I'll know you’re still with us,
all fragmented in the sunlight,
making silly baby faces.
making silly baby faces.
Forever and Always
 |
| WILLIAM EMIL SOLES May 15, 1985 - June 6, 2016 |
Excerpts from Willy's Journal:
I, William E. Soles am here for a reason, there is no chance.
I, William see and I draw unto me those beings who seek enlightenment through my process.
My wisdom is and always will be matched only by my compassion.
I, William see and I draw unto me those beings who seek enlightenment through my process.
My wisdom is and always will be matched only by my compassion.
September 22, 2011
I am reminded today that heaven is within, the purpose is set. The method I choose will be provided for. There is only this moment. I will stay in the moment. My future is but a ripple of this moment. The past but a drop.
Time, what is this but the fleeting dancing spark of the ember. I feel the draw to the light like the lone cold moth to the head lamp on a cold starry night.
We stumble.
We struggle.
We fumble.
We bumble.
Yet the struggle survives.
Strives, it thrives, it jumps like the spark of the leopard's eyes.
I stand idle by like the tree watching the ember die. I shed not a tear. I try not to cry. For what is it worth, that spark's time on this earth?
The fleeting flow, the beautiful chance to flow.
Chance to know.
A chance to grow.
A chance to flow to and fro.
Cosmic dance.
Cosmic dance.
A true romance looked upon from the outside as a conscious glance.
Time, what a true romance.
I gladly watch this so called second tick by because I know it is not the flicker of my eye. Yet as I know the moth does surely die, as so does a piece of I. Trying not to cry.
Tis only a moth, understand this simplicity and our world is better off.
I gladly watch this so called second tick by because I know it is not the flicker of my eye. Yet as I know the moth does surely die, as so does a piece of I. Trying not to cry.
Tis only a moth, understand this simplicity and our world is better off.
October 26, 200011
Today I realize that I am truly welcomed by the Great Spirit and I am eternally drawn to
the Great Mystery.
I am the Glistening Black.
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